Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive – Havelock Ellis
One time at my office a new girl was recruited. Oh my God she was pretty. Later I discovered she was single and then I asked myself why, when, how, who, what, where, really? Then I was supposed to work closely with her. At one point I thought God was setting me up. Then I discovered she was so friendly to everyone. I was not liking it. One time our boss said he was not feeling well and she offered to go with him at his home and prepare for him a meal. Okay it was now official I was now seriously cuddling with jealousy.
Jealousy is a very tricky, subtle and hidden emotion which pops out from its hiding unnoticed because you think someone is better than you. It jumps out when you least expect it. As much as you don’t want it, it just creeps out anyway, like a rattlesnake. It masquerades as criticism, anger, and hatred.
According to Wikipedia, Jealousy is an emotion; the term generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and envy over relative lack of possessions, status or something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a comparator. Jealousy often consists of one or more of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.
Where did it come from? According to Wikipedia, Jealousy is a typical experience in human relationships, and it has been observed in infants as young as five months. Probably we were all born with it. I like referring to it as the green monster. It is always flying above our heads. It is a very hungry monster. It likes feeding. What does it feed on? It feeds on information, details and photos especially from social media. The moment it feeds on a piece, it starts questing for more. Then you start telling yourself a story and in it you are comparing yourself with the person whose information you have got. Then you want more information and the monster is feeding. It is growing around your neck. Then it captures your imagination. You see a friend whose life is picture perfect. They have it all going on. The job, the looks, the partner and the lifestyle. So, when they suffer a failing or their world isn’t quite as perfect as you thought, you do feel a little bit pleased. Think of the last time you saw a friend do something amazing and felt a little jealous or even upset. Yeah, it’s great for so-and-so they deserved it. I’m really happy for them! Then you finish your statement with a but somewhere.
He got a new job BUT that company people do not stay long.
He got married BUT his wife looks a little old.
He has got a big job BUT he does not know how to manage money and that company does not pay in time.
She is travelling out of the country BUT for me I would rather stay in my home country.
On UrbanDictionary.com, the top-rated definition for “but” is “to delay the inevitable “compliment sandwich” to deliver criticism–say something positive, then deliver the bad news.
When was the last time you were genuinely happy that your friend got a big scholarship. How could he get into the course he wanted when I can’t?
When you are jealous. You are feeling threatened. You have a self-belief. There is a way you see yourself and you are trying to protect it. You are unhappy with yourself. The reason you are bothered is value is being rewarded to another person and not you and you get threatened.
This bad habit comes naturally especially when someone has achieved something which someone does not have themselves. It somewhat gives them some confidence that they are at least better also. Some of your friends secretly want you to fail; not exactly though, they are just a little jealous. Some friends want you to stay the same so you can be at the same level. So they can feel comfortable with their own choices. With their own lives. So they can feel good about themselves. So they don’t have to challenge themselves.
We need to find peace within ourselves. How do we deal with it? Acknowledge it. Am getting jealous here. Ask yourself why. I will use a fiction story. Let me say you are a nice beautiful girl (guys no offense) and your handsome and attractive boyfriend let us call him John, is talking to Mary a brown rich girl. What is making you jealous? Maybe he is telling her nice words. She wants his money. What if they hook up? I am not good enough. I am black. I am not very beautiful. I am so unfriendly.
Admit that you are getting jealous and stop it from growing. Then credit yourself. Have an identity. What are your life principles? Mine are honesty, integrity and attitude. Jealousy is not among them. It is below me. I am above it. Tell yourself what you are. Your good qualities. Also see the good in the other person who is starting to make you jealous. She is more beautiful, brown and richer. Control the story building in your mind. Stop the imaginary argument in your mind. Will jealousy make you happy really? Most probably not. Recognize that happiness is an inside job and do not attach it to John. If you are not happy without him you probably will not be happy with him. Think like, I hope she finds herself a good man. Stop seeing her as some girl who is going to steal your man. Force yourself to be positive. It is okay for other people to have good also. Know that John will get attention because he is attractive otherwise get yourself a less attractive dude. Then see John’s goodness. He is talking to Mary but is he is respectful, trustworthy and loyal. How is he handling the situation? Is it an awkward situation and is he trying to pull himself out of it or are they just friends having a normal casual conversation? Know that you are not John’s policewoman. Do you still want to be with him after observing how he has handled the situation? How attractive is that? Feeling secure that John can talk to other people. The big control is do you still want to be with this person instead of controlling small stuff like them talking to other people some of whom are beautiful.
If your friend gets a great job great you now have some rich friends. They get a scholarship great better pay, better jobs and new friends to your circle. They get married, great at least you have a married matron or bestman. They get a brand new car, great you will get to ride in it. They get a new phone, great you will get to hear them better the next time you call. They build a new house, great next time you are in that area you will not pay lodging fees and they get to save on rent and could stop borrowing from you. joking! That is the spirit. Starve the monster but note that it does not die.
John 14. 28 28 “You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. Jesus is indirectly talking about jealousy. Why would the disciples be unhappy He is going to the Father? They had seen Him spend long hours talking to His Father which means Him and so going Him would be a good thing for Him. It is what He enjoys so instead of looking at themselves and seeing their new life without Him, they were supposed to look and see how happy He was going to be. If you stop thinking of only how you will benefit then you rejoice when other people are achieving. Song of Solomon 8:6. “Jealousy is cruel as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire.” Are you jealous of someone’s success or possessions? Then, ask God for deeper trust. He will help put out the fire. Matthew 11:28-29 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.